I'm Speaking, You're Listening. Got it?
I got this meme from an intern working with me back when I was vice president of a PR firm. She handed it to me with a knowing smile, “You probably know something about this.”
I laughed. But, really, I felt kind of confused. What was the intern telling me?
That's how delusional I can sometimes be about the effect of my stuttering on listeners. Even when I'm one of the “empowered.”
Interrupting people who are speaking has rightly received a well-publicized bad rap ever since Kamala Harris objected to Mike Pence talking over her in the 2020 vice president debate. And she did it again recently in Detroit, talking down hecklers. Her simple insistence, “I'm speaking,” has gone viral.
I usually give people some slack when they interrupt my stuttering voice in the misguided effort to “help” me. From my end of the conversation, their suggestions are often hysterical at best and infuriating at worst because... well, few people are mind readers. Which is why I always counsel, “Just let me talk the way I talk. A few extra seconds is all I'm asking for.”
That was the main message of my 2011 TEDx Talk, “The Disabled Listener.” In that 14-minute talk – it was supposed to be 10 minutes but, you know, stuttering... – I turn the tables on my listeners and clue them in on how they look to me when they're reacting to my speech.
These mug shots are re-enactments, but you get the picture. It's not pretty. But, now you know! If you think I look weird, you should see you!
OK, enough of my snark.
Lesson in brief: don't try to help me when I'm talking. It's no help. You need to learn patience, and if it's a tough lesson for you, I can keep talking until you get it right.
If, however, you are actually trying to talk over my stuttered speech, watch out. I feel newly empowered in this now that Harris's eloquent, powerful “I'm speaking” insistence has resonated so broadly. Many people, especially those without the upper hand, can identify.
Alternatively, we could just implement the talking stick. When you have it, you can't be interrupted. And if you are? Hmm... Well, sticks can be used in a variety of ways.
Just don't hurt anyone too badly.
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